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| I either speak too forcefully or not forcefully enough.
Why always one of these extremes? Although I personally think not forcefully is the lesser of the two evils.
Anyhow I feel bad about speaking too forcefully now. My tact dwindles with lack of sleep. Better to just hide away for a while to recharge.
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| Test was...not bad. 25 multiple choice questions. Unfortunately I think the test was so "not bad" that the curve (is it curved?) will be very high. If you knew the material you could definitely get a perfect. Also, there was plenty of time to look up material you didn't know.
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In other news, this week I was so moody...and anti-social...and tired. I am definitely NOT a joy to be around when I'm any of those things. The good thing about when I'm tired though is I seem to become detached from all my worries. I become serene. The problems are there, off somewhere and I am here, looking at them, bemused.
Usually I find myself in this tense controlled state, with nervous humor, not relaxed. At all. I constantly worry about making false moves or offending people, speaking slowly, carefully, not quite sure what to say but yet all the while, smiling, happy-ish. But now I am more serious, somber. I am sitting in a room alone. It is quiet, save for the sounds of people talking outside. All I hear is the air conditioner blowing. It's so nice and peaceful. The perfect time to start work.
I am no fun now that's for sure but I am worry-free, and not stressed out, which is nice. :)
***
Time to prepare for oral arguments.
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| I bought this bulletin board before school started. I intended it to put reminders of things I am supposed to do. It sits on top of my desk leaning upright against the wall. I have never, never tacked anything to it or even used it. The money I spent on it was virtually wasted--until today. I put my computer on my desk, open it and begin doing the usual chatting, etc. I glance up and--WHOA! There's a calendar! And on the month of November there's a photo with people holding 2 signs that say "Think Green" and "[insert my name here]" It had to be my parents who put it there while I was gone! A little surprise! First I was like wow they even personalized it by editing one of the pictures to have my name! Then I realized it was a calendar from getting financial aid loans. Lame. But still! A little surprise from my parents!
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| Where two parties in a contract do not have "consensus ad idem" there is an indication of "the untrammeled autonomy of the individual will." (To use a phrase from Gilmore).
The concept is mentioned in my contracts book reflecting how each of the parties in a contract has their own "will." Consensus ad idem is sometimes defined as of the same, in agreement or a meeting of the minds. I would interpret what I just wrote to say where, in a contract, there is no meeting of the minds there is a reflection of a conflict of two wills. "Untrammeled autonomy" or autonomy that is not overrun is the quality of the individual will. The individual has a strong will that not be overrun. The fact that Gilmore says "the" individual will seems to indicate also that each person has this strong will that will not be overrun.
Now, myself.
My mother has often called me willful...and stubborn. Yet strangely I have also often been called flaky or indecisive (by other people). It is true there are moments where I cannot decide on something but...is indecision based on the fact that one cannot make a decision at a particular moment OR that they cannot make a decision ever. I would say in my defense that I do make a decision eventually but a period of indecision exists (and this is where I am labeled indecisive) where I contemplate the pros and cons of deciding one way or another, a period where I contemplate the consequences or results of making any particular decision.
Willfulness in one way shows...persistence. A phrase I've heard in the negative is "an indomitable will." Sounds formidable I guess. But if you think about it willfulness as persistence proves strength to the finish. A journey started WILL be finished. Or rather once a person's mind if made up, it cannot be changed.
Of course, in some ways the power of the "will" scares me. In a fight where there is a battle of wills, those with "the untrammeled autonomy" where no one will compromise there is inevitably an impasse. In the Contracts book, there is a breach of the contract. The contract cannot be carried out as intended because one will is pulling the contract in one direction and the other will is pulling it in the other; the contract breaks: BREACH. So the power of the will scares me in that where one person so willful will not compromise you stand to lose something, a contract...a relationship.
The power of the will scares me too in that making up one's mind is great when setting a goal but what if there are goals that are beyond our control to attain. We set our minds and hearts on something; those are both so powerful, the heart and the mind. It's like the word...enamor which means to charm or captivate. But when someone is "enamored" they are so completely focused on whatever the object of person they are enamored with. Being so focused on something, someone seems dangerous because, especially with people, you cannot necessarily have control. In reaching for your goal you cannot control all elements. In such pursuit you put everything into it, heart, mind and soul; you stand to lose so much. It's scary. In that it almost seems better to relinquish control because you never really have it in the first place.
Maybe that's the challenge of the "autonomy of the untrammeled will," that the issue may not be struggling with the other person but just struggling with ourselves. Learning to not be so willful, to just let go.
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| "Hide the crazy." =(
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Merits. Questions of law. Questions of fact. Judgment on the pleadings. Rule 12c.
What I should know. What I don't know. I don't know what I should know. By now.
Socrates said something like, a wise man knows what he does not know. Well I know that I don't know a lot. But this only makes me feel depressed because I feel like I SHOULD know more. How can a person who doesn't know much be wise? Even if he does know what he doesn't know, this doesn't rectify the fact that he still knows little.
Rambling. That's all I do. It makes no sense. Why can't I be more logical?
And yet, there is NO CORRECT ANSWER.
I miss the security of a CORRECT ANSWER.
Something that I can be SURE of. Something that I can REST my head on.
It's so scary to not be sure of anything. To know NOTHING.
maybe I shouldn't write in caps anymore. they're so harsh...looking.
*sigh*
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